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The Pekes and the Pollicles

Of the aweful battle of the Pekes and the Pollicles
Together with some account
Of the participation
Of the Pugs and the Poms
And the intervention of the Great Rumpus Cat

The Pekes and the Pollicles, everyone knows
Are proud and implacable passionate fores
It is always the same, wherever one goes
And the Pugs and the Poms, althought most people say
That they do not like fighting, yet once in a way
They now and again join into the fray

And they
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

Now on the occasion of which I shall speak
Almost nothing had happened for nearly a week
And that's a long time for a Pol or a Peke
The big Police Dog was away from his beat
I don't know the reason, but most people think
He'd slipped into the Wellington's Arms for a drink
And no one at all was about on the street
When a Peke and a Pollicle happened to meet

They did not advance or exactly retreat
But they glared at each other, and scraped their hind feet

And started to
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

And they
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park

Now the Peke although people may say what they please
Is no British Dog, but a Heathen Chinese
And so all the Pekes, when they heard the uproar
Some came to the window, some came to the door
There were surely a dozen, more likely a score
And together they started to grumble and wheeze
In their huffery-snuffery Heathen Chinese
But a terrible din is what Pollicles like
For your Pollicle Dog is a dour Yorkshire tyke
There are dogs out of every nation
The Irish, the Welsh and the Dane
The Russian, the Dutch, the Dalmatian
And even from China and Spain,
The Poodle, the Pom, the Alsatian
And the mastiff who walks on a chain
And to those that are frisky and frollical
Let my meaning be perfectly plain
That my name it is Little Tom Pollicle
And you'd better not do it again

And his braw Scottish cousins are snappers and biters,
And every dog-jack of them notable fighers
And so they stepped out, with their pipers in order
Playing When the Blue Bonnets Come Over the Border

Then the Pug and the Poms held no longer aloof
But some from the balcony, some from the roof
Join to the din

With a
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Bark, bark, bark, bark
Until you can hear them all over the Park
Until you can hear them all over the Park

When these bold heroes together assembled
The traffic all stopped, and the Underground trembled
And some of the neighbours were so much afraid
That they started to ring up the Fire Brigade
When suddenly, up from the a small basement flat
Why who should stalk out but the Great Rumpus Cat

His eyes were like fireballs fearfully blazing
He gave a great yawn, and his jaws were amazing
And when he looked out through the bars of the area
You never saw anything fiercer or hairier
And what with the glare of his eyes and his yawning
The Pekes and the Pollicles quickly took warning
He looked at the sky and he gave a great leap
And they every last one of them scattered like sheep

And when the Police Dog returned to his beat,
There wasn't a single one left in the street.

All hail and all power to the Great Rumpus Cat!

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Copyright 2014 by Jen Philpot

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